Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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