He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
