I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
