SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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