So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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