yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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