the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
