Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
