6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
