Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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