eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
