Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
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