U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
