Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
