Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
