Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
organizing the empties. That sober.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
