hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
