we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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