Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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