Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
