I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
