As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
