too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
