I faked an abortion last night.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
