Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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