You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Are we still banned from the library?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
