im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
