Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
