Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
