does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
