just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
