Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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