Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
