Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think my fart just growled at me.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
