so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
