rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
