so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just gift wrapped bread.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
