there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I touched a dick in church today
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
