I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
