I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
