This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize