he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
