I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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