I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
