i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
