I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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