just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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