you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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