Got a toothbrush?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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