She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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