the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
