He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You are a genius and a whore.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
