I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
