i think my tv is drunk
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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