Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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