I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
