Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
There are leaves in my underwear?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
