I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Randomize
