I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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