i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
