This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize