Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
