The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
