Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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