There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
