My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
