i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize