i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
