I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
