I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
