some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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