I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
