Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
