Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
