so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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