When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
